A Voice for the Voiceless

Substantial Magazine is honored to feature Deborah Monroe; a survivor, author, advocate, motivational speaker, wife, and mother. This 28-year-old graduate of Virginia Tech University is a phenomenal woman. Her strength, courage, and commitment to spreading awareness about child abuse and domestic violence was a story that we thank her for allowing us to share. As a survivor of childhood abuse and domestic violence Deborah has made it her mission to educate and spread awareness. Her journey started in the small town of Snow Hill, NC where she grew up along with her 12 siblings. During her childhood, she endured years of sexual abuse. Deborah never said a word to anyone until many years later during her (early adulthood).

SM: Understanding you are a survivor of both childhood and domestic abuse, please share briefly this history with our readers?

Deborah: Abuse was something that I became familiar with all too early. By the time I was 7 I was sexually abused by two different people. These weren’t just one time events but something that occurred often. I didn’t tell anyone. Fast forward almost 15 years later and I find myself in an abusive relationship that would last for 3 years.

The signs were there early on. He was very controlling, always wanted to know my every move; and then came the name-calling and isolation from family and friends. He would have to approve my clothing and how I wore my hair. All these things would be mixed in with unfaithfulness, lies, and betrayal. If that wasn’t enough the abuse turned physical. During many arguments (over unfaithfulness, if I didn’t iron his clothes right or if I forgot to order his pizza with thin crust), I would be slapped, punched, choked, head banged against the wall. I would be kicked out of his vehicle and told to walk home (at night). Sometimes on the way to visit friends, if we got into an argument, he would pull over on the side of the road, beat me, and told me that I better act like nothing was wrong when we got to our destination.

This lasted for a long time and when I finally decided to fight back, that’s when he used weapons. I remember being backed into a corner with a loaded gun (9mm Smith & Wesson) pointed to my head. I was told if I screamed, he would shoot me. During that moment, I saw my funeral; I saw family and friends mourning death, all with unanswered questions. Many nights after that, I couldn’t go sleep because I was afraid that he would kill me in my sleep. I remember times when I told him that I was going to go forward and tell people about the things he had done to me, he told me that nobody would believe me because of the “status” he held. I believed him and I remained silent and put on a mask as if everything was fine.

SM: What made you speak out in regard to these experiences?

Deborah: Although at first speaking out wasn’t the easiest decision, I knew it was crucial to do so. Many people, who are going through or have been through tough situations such as abuse, tend to feel as though they are the only ones who experience. Speaking out, I am able to reassure them that they are not alone. Also, speaking out, lets them know that there is a way out and you can recover from it.

SM: Explain the importance of not only sharing your story but the importance of spreading awareness on abuse?

Deborah: Spreading awareness is so important because you will be amazed at what little knowledge others have when it comes to abuse. Many people don’t know that 1 in 4 women are victims of domestic violence and also that more than four children a day die as a result of child abuse. They also don’t know that they can be an abusive relationship without the physical aspect. Abuse also comes in the form as emotional, mental, and financial. To dig deeper, before a relationship becomes physically abusive, it is emotional/mental abuse FIRST.

SM: You are the author of the book HURT NO MORE: The Healing Guide for Victims and Abusers. Tell us about this book and what motivated you to write it?

Deborah: HURT NO MORE is very dear to me because I took a leap of faith to not only reach out to victims but to abusers as well. The book is a self-help guide for victims and abusers. There is so much out there for victims (as there should be) but, I also feel that if an abuser is strong enough to admit that they need help then the resources should be out there for them. I use my story as a blueprint throughout the book and HURT NO MORE is presented with both professional and spiritual points of view.

SM: Tell us about some of your recent accomplishments.

Deborah: November 2012: HURT NO MORE made the Barnes & Noble Top 10 Best Selling E-Books in the Domestic Violence genre. April 2013: HURT NO MORE was picked up by Tate Publishing Enterprises and will be releasing the Second Edition later this year. August 2013: I sold my first article, entitled “From Victim to Victor”, to Today’s Christian Woman Magazine. October 2013: I launched the SHOP TO STOP Abuse Online Store. There you can find clothing and accessories for women and men that promote survival and much more. All proceeds go towards helping to bring awareness. I also relaunched the PREVENT 1 IN 3 program. This program is offered through Victimize Me No More, to High Schools, Teen Outreach Programs etc. to help promote awareness and erase the statistic that 1 in 3 teens are victims to dating violence.

SM: If you could change one thing as it relates to the minority community’s perspective on dealing with abuse what would it be?

Deborah: If I could change one thing it would be to change the level of awareness and create more discussion on abuse. In the minority community, we like to keep things swept under the rug. This is a generational thing. What we don’t realize is that when we do that, number one, it costs man people their lives, and secondly, it passes abuse down from one generation to the next. In order to break generational curses, we have to start having discussions about it and began the healing process.

SM: What advice can you offer to someone who may read this article and be a victim and/or know someone who is a victim of abuse?

Deborah: First, I would tell them that I know what it is like to want to leave but feel like you can’t. I know what it is like to want to change your mate but nothing seems to work. I know what it is like to love and dislike strongly at the same time. I know what it is like to lose yourself and family/friends all at the same time. I know what it is like to cry and feel like nobody hears you. I would then go on to tell them that they are not alone and to stop blaming themselves. I would tell them to confide in a trusted friend and seek help. Come up with a safe escape plan and leave before it is too late. To the person who knows someone or suspects someone to be a victim, I would say never leave their side (even if they try to push you away). Research all you can so you can be more aware of the signs. More importantly, SEEK HELP!!

SM: Let’s get to know Deborah; what do you do to relax and get away from your busy days as a Author, Advocate, Mentor, Motivational Speaker etc…

Deborah: To relax is definitely a gift. Spa days, arts & crafts, outings with my husband and son, dinner with friends and a good ole Duck Dynasty Marathon!!!

SM: Name something you can’t live without?

Deborah: I know this may sound clichéd but I can’t live without God. It is through Him that I am able to go on. It is Him that gave me strength and peace I needed to forgive my abusers. It was Him that told me it was ok to love again. It is Him that gives me the strength and motivation to continue doing this. He gives me vision, patience, wisdom. He gives me everything I need to make this mission possible. But, if I can add something else it would be: Books, OLAY Skin Products and Sunglasses (I must have sunglasses).

SM: Is there anything else you would like our readers to know about Deborah Monroe?

Deborah: My husband (SSG David Monroe) and I were married on Nov. 12, 2011 and welcomed our son, Drew Alexander Monroe on August 16, 2012. I also have a stepson, David Monroe Jr. (DJ).

SM: Tell our readers why you are substantial?

Deborah: I am substantial because of the message I carry. It allows me to be a voice for the voiceless. It allows me to break barriers and step into territory that many are afraid to enter. This fearlessness is needed today. It is needed in our community. My message has turned into a movement and all these reasons are why I am substantial.

SM: Find out more about Deborah and follow her at:

Facebook Page: Victimize Me No More Facebook.com/VMNMore
Instagram Page: deborahjmonroe | www.shoptostopabuse.spreadshirt.com | www.deborahjmonroe.wordpress.com

“It is better to stand alone, fighting for what is right than united with thousands, promoting something that is wrong” – Deborah J. Monroe